New! Agony aunt column.

NEW FEATURE : YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED BY AUNTY EYLET

Dear Aunty Eylet

I was a tourist recently in Quiltland. I saw a local making a beautiful quilt and I asked 'Oh what is that for?" because I was so taken with it and wondered how she was going to use it. However, she looked quite discomforted by the question and did not answer. Was I inadvertently rude? Is it culturally inappropriate to ask a Quiltland native about her work?
Worried of Kansas


Dear Worried of Kansas,

Most Quiltland citizens love to show off their work and revel in any attention and praise you may give it. However, there are certain cultural nuances as to how you should show that interest which you probably transgressed.

The easiest way to avoid offence is to phrase questions as if the quilt were a child. The quilter goes through a similar range of emotions to pregnancy during the making of a quilt - the joy of conception of the idea, shopping trips, a stage of intense nausea with the thing, a final push at the end, for example.

So, just as you would never admire a baby sleeping in a pram and ask 'Oh what it is for?', you can usually assume a quilt has been created out of love and longing. Many quilters have a biological clock which practicially forces them to make quilts because they fear that they will die with ideas still in their heads. Most quilts are indeed, planned and welcomed by both quilter and partner and the quilt is for a sense of completion in their lives or the joy of its company in years to come. However, circumstances may be more difficult and hard to talk about to a tourist.

If you saw a long-armer she may be like a surrogate mother, having to head over her beautiful creation never to see it again and your question may have triggered a sense of loss as well as in fact asking for information she did not posess. Or the quilt may in fact be the unplanned product of a love affair with fabric which has involved lying to the quilter's partner and the hiding of receipts. It is even possible - especially if you saw communal quilting activity - that the quilt birth will even be concealed from all but the birthing group and will be adopted out as a gift quilt before the partner even knows about it.

So, it may be better to limit yourself to statements of praise such as" Oh isn't it beautiful" or " You must be so proud." You may even try the local phrase which is very similar to the goo-goo-goo sound commonly made over babies but which sounds more like "oooh-oooh-oooh, a quilt!"

Of course, this anaology like any other can be stretched until it breaks its limits. There are some questions which are perfectly acceptable in Quiltland which probably are best not applied to babies such as 'Is it for sale?", "Have you put a picture on the internet?" or, "Is that one of Ricky Tims'?".